What if? What if it is only a question?
Nothing more, nothing less.
What if? Is that what is holding you back?
Let’s say you have a strong desire to do something or to act a certain way. You are kind of pulled by it. You feel from within it is something that has come your way, just for you. Then the fear and the doubt creep in. Yes, I like this and I want to, but what if? What if something even better will come along later? What if I can’t make it, what if it will not work out?
The ‘what if’ question is derived from our mind and it is all about fear. It is almost the same as the scenario that is at play when we are in need. When we have our need fulfilled, we then get worried that we will loose that which we have. The vicious circle of need.
Help! I am staring at joy. I am faced with love. I am on the road of abundance. I am looking at happiness. What if?
It is also the question that pops up when we are faced with a decision or a choice and we are uncertain, and we want to do the right thing. I feel like taking the left road, but what if the right on is better? We are afraid of making the wrong decision. We are afraid that if we take the one road and it turns out the “wrong” choice, that we have missed out on the chance of the other road. We evaluate our option in terms of opportunity costs with the cost being the “benefit” that we would have gotten from the road or roads not taken.
In other cases, we contemplate the question when we have something really good going on in our life and we are afraid of loosing it. It is that fear of loosing that which we love and behold so dearly. Other times we deliberate because we are uncertain and full of worry about our own capabilities. “This looks like a good opportunity, but what if I mess it up?” There is the fear of not being good enough, of feeling unworthy, or the fear of not knowing or not knowing enough. “I am afraid that I won’t know what to do. What if I will not know how to react, or how to behave? ”
Another one is “What if I am wrong?” There is so much fear of making a mistake. But every decision is the only one we can make at the moment we take it. This fear is based on us not allowing ourselves to make a decision based on what we know and who we are in the moment. It is steeped in judgment and value beliefs. We deny ourselves the freedom to choose in the moment and we do not allow ourselves to be who we are in the moment. In a way it is like saying that we don’t know enough or that we are not good enough.
In most circumstances, the question is placed in past or in the future, pulling you away from the present. ‘What if’ often deals with fears that are not about the now moment but are instead projected into next week, next month or next year. Even 10 or 15 years from now. When you think about fears, how many are connected to the present now? The moment that you are standing in front of an audience ready to give your first speech, there might be a real ‘in the moment’ fear. Mostly however, we fear that something will occur, while it has not happened yet. I am afraid I will loose my job. I am worried I won’t be able to finish my project in time. I am not sure I am going to be happy if….
The big ‘What if’question is only that, a question! It is looking at a potential that might or might not occur, and it is a potential that is considered “negative” to start with. It is a judgment that is not even placed at what is right here, right now, but at a possibility that could happen in the future and one that you know absolutely nothing about. It is a potential that instills the illusion of fear before it has happened and one that might never ever happen, and which is preventing you from embracing the wonderful thing that is right there in front of you.
What if? You can stop in your tracks or you can go forth. Once you realize that the question is not real but illusionary and you flow with what is happening in the moment, you will always be in the proverbial win-win situation.
What if the ‘what if’ would never be, and you wake up one day and realize it is …only a question. Would you not kick yourself for not having gone ahead?
What if the ‘what if’ would never be, and you wake up one day and realize it is …only a question. Would you not jump up in relief and joy for having gone ahead and savoring what is yours to have and yours to give… day after day?
Imagine you did learn that new skill or gave wings to your passion and started out on the venture you always longed for. You did not let yourself be held back by the “What if I am not smart enough or not gifted enough to do it?” and this opened up a path for joy and success. Oh, the thought might have entered your mind but it did not sway you. On the final day, will you not have that sense of exhilaration and relief that you did go ahead after all and that the ‛what if’ was and always has been just a simple question, no less and no more?
We so often fear something that is not real and never will be. We are so afraid to be afraid that we try to protect ourselves even in the imaginary, to be on the safe side. Consider how often in your life you have experienced a real fearful event, in the moment. Mostly you have been afraid of something that might happen – in the future – while it had not happened yet and in retrospect most of it did not occur.
Having said all of the above, the ‛what if’ question can be used constructively. In these cases it is not asked on the basis of fear but in a positive way to get more clarity about a situation or a choice. When you are considering different option, like could be the case when you are at a crossroad and you are drawn by alternative roads that equally speak to you, it can be used as a guiding tool. What if this choice brings me joy?
Monday, February 2, 2009
Thursday, January 15, 2009
Giving and Receiving: Perfect Together and Perfect on Their Own
Give without expecting to receive,
receive without needing to reciprocate,
and you will be singing and dancing
in the field of creation.
Both actions of giving and receiving are commonly linked like the law of communicating vessels. Somehow we correlate them, pairing them up and accepting that the one does not go without the other. Two peas in a pod. Yin and Yang. Well, at least in the sense of energies. I give and I receive. I receive and I give back. They become like automatic responses, engrained within our psyche and subtly underlying our mode of actions and reactions. In addition, we have come to integrate to a certain degree that it is imperative for us to give if we desire to receive in life. We are all familiar with the saying that as you give, you shall also receive. Somewhere along the line, we have interpreted this to imply that giving comes first and that it is a pre-condition for receiving. In this framework, the fundamental that ‘It‘s all yours already, all ready’ can be a bit of a stretch indeed. It’s all yours already, whether you give or not, whether you receive or not. The manifestation of the generosity of creation is neither prohibited by the fact whether you have given a little, a lot or not at all. Your belief however, that you have to give first in order to receive – in combination with your judgment or evaluation that you have not given enough yet to ‘deserve’ all your blessings – can bring up walls around your allowing.
But both are perfect and complete by themselves and in themselves. Each energy can be expressed in freedom, independent from the other. In this way, even as you give and receive at the same time, there is no conditional dependency. You can give without the need to receive and you can receive without the need to give. Each action can be expressed on its own, without ifs and buts. It is a simple matter of making a broad single brushstroke on the canvas and saying “This is my demonstration of my willingness to receive”. And then adding another equally bold brushstroke which proclaims “I hereby declare my state of giving”. Both colorful strokes are beautiful as they are and speaking for themselves, complete in their own expression and existing in harmony next to each other. They are both proclamations about being ready, without boundaries and without walls, to give and to receive.
Let us look more closely at these independent energies. How about giving without receiving? Even more extraordinary, how about receiving without giving?
Regarding the giving without receiving, your first reaction might be “Oh, but I know how to do that. It is perfectly ok for me to do something for others without them having to redo the favor. I am able to give and meanwhile not expecting something in return.” How does it feel though if the person you are giving to does not even extend you their gratitude? Or worse, he or she rejects your goodness, affection or help altogether or is incapable of receiving it. It is often very challenging to give without any conditions, without needing any feedback or appreciation. It is also not so easy to remain neutral and without judgment in case someone is not able or willing to receive what you offer.
The biggest challenges in this respect revolve around the giving of love, friendship or support. It is especially hard when someone denies the emotions and feelings that are coming straight from our heart. We tend to find it very difficult when our goodness, our love is being rejected or refused. It then often becomes so very personal.
Love can be scary and therefore at times difficult to give and receive, but more so it is the fear of loosing love that can be paralyzing. I am asking you to contemplate whether you would be able to love someone – and I am not just talking about romantic love here but also friendship and so on – that is unable or unwilling to receive your love? Or putting it differently, how long would you sustain giving your love or friendship without becoming upset about not receiving a reaction and without starting to feel personally rejected? Being in a situation where our giving is not reciprocated or welcomed, our perception of the nature of love and how we are being and acting in that state of love is potentially called into question. It challenges the way we love and the way we can love. If we allow it and if we have the willingness and the openness to know and understand more deeply, it will draw our attention to the true nature of loving without judgment and without conditions.
Part of the joy we get from extending our support, friendship or love, besides the intrinsic delight of giving in itself, comes from the awareness that such giving is well received. We see that our love or our friendship is being welcomed and being responded to. We notice that we can assist the other to make a positive shift in thinking or behavior. We observe that through our words and our presence the other can come to a different awareness which helps him or her to deal with their reality or to start a healing process. And it makes us feel good. We are happy to be able to help and to love and we are delighted when the other is saying yes to it all.
However, people also express a "no" from time to time. They do not want your gift, or at least not in that moment and that is their choice. There are many possible reasons for that but those do not have to be as complex as we like to think. It is not uncommon for people we love or care about to be unable to receive our love, friendship, help and so on, or even refuse it because they are hurting inside. On the same token, a myriad of emotions and beliefs about themselves or the world at that moment can block them from receiving all that we are offering. Again, It is a possibility, not a given. What if someone simply does not love us? Or does not want to be friends or not anymore? Who are we to evaluate these choices and their right for relevance? When we are in allowance and we embrace others as they are, without judgment and without needing to know all the specifics, then in fact we don’t even have to break our head and our heart over the questions why others do not, will not or cannot accept our love, affection and help. We can drop our passionate inner queries and continuous wondering. Instead we can allow for knowing to come to us, gently and all revealing and bringing us all the answers and understanding about those that surround us. We are not left in no-mans land and separated from knowing. On the contrary, as you might remember, we are the road on which knowing and truth travel and reveal themselves.
In the liberating action of giving without any expectations or judgments about receiving anything in return, there is joy no matter what and irrespective of the reactions we get. We give because we choose to and it is a choice from the heart in complete freedom without any attachments to it. In this context, we also have the powerful option to give in a non-demonstrative way. What I mean is that giving can be from within without being expressed outwardly. An example of that is to leave another the time and space to heal themselves at times and staying away out of love, instead of going out of your way to be ‘there’ as a friend.
(Julia) "When we love someone we are so focused on sharing and giving, it is almost as if we need to give, a kind of compulsion. We are so happy and full that we don’t even think about the capacity of the other to deal with all of that. Often, people have become so hurt in their life that they need time and nurturing to gradually accept more and more of love.”
The process of giving to someone who has a hard time receiving can require a lot of our understanding and compassion. Our giving can be overwhelming. Because the link between giving and receiving is so established and conditioned, people may feel they are forced into a position of having to reciprocate and often feeling incapable to do so. Amongst all that we can and have to offer to others, it is love that has the most impact. Sharing and expressing authentic and deep love is a very powerful act. It will leave no one unperturbed. But it can be can be especially disturbing for the one on the receiving end when he or she has a low self esteem, is afraid of love and feels unworthy of your love. The more you are open and demonstrative, the more the other might shy away. Love can be scary. It is through the very love itself as well as our allowing, through our heart and knowing, that we can be sensitive and understanding in our giving.
When we give love, it is perhaps difficult to be received by the other. But it is equally difficult for us to release our own need about it. We so much want and desire the other to love us back. We give love and hope we can receive it in return. If we stay open, with free energies and we truly allow, then there is a complete release of any needing or willing. No boundaries and no walls. And also no more waiting.
(Julia) “I have done a lot of giving in my life but also a lot of waiting. I give and give and give and then I am waiting for that reaction, that phone call, that gesture that confirms to me that they return the feeling, or appreciate it, or that I helped or could make a difference. So much of my time has been spent waiting and anticipating, sometimes with a lot of anxiety and insecurity. So many what if questions. I now understand so much more. It is so freeing to being able to give and to step into that powerful energy while letting go of any pictures or expectations and separating it completely from receiving.”
Let us now turn to the other side of the balance where we find the act of receiving without giving. Here is a challenge of yet another kind. What is the first reaction we have when we receive something? It is to give back.
(Michael) “I mentioned previously me being in love with this wonderful person and how she had difficulty with accepting my love for her. As she overcame part of her anxiety, she was able to share some of her feelings towards me. The moment I received her loving words though, I immediately saw it as the opportunity to ‘return the favor’. I was so elated to finally be able to tell her openly about my love and responding to her that the next thing I knew I overdid it and the doors shut again. I had simply overwhelmed her. I realize now that I was not being sensitive to the dynamics and merely focusing on my need to express my love. I was unable to receive with no strings attached, without needing to give back. ”
You can receive without giving and doing so is very powerful in its essence. Receiving is a magnificent and graceful energy all on its own. It is an energy that is complete. It is in its completeness and without anything else attached to it that it is expressing its intrinsic power. It is in this freedom that receiving becomes magnified and is flowing in full harmony within the field of creation. It is you opening your arms as wide as the universe, allowing all that you are and just receiving, receiving, receiving. When we are able to receive just by itself, we are also no longer caught by the potential perception that we cannot or should not receive because we feel we have nothing to give in return. In this case our judgments about ourselves, who we are and what we have to offer – tangible or not – prohibit us to open our energies to welcome in the love, support, or assistance that are being presented to us and we end up saying “Thanks, but no thanks.”
(Eva) “Another consideration is that we feel that whatever we have to give in return just pales in comparison to what we receive. We weigh and evaluate and compare and decide that whatever we can offer is less or less worthy or not good enough”
The result is that we refuse or reject to receive. This has a lot to do with our beliefs about our worthiness and our capabilities but at the basis of it is the conditional mindset that we are to give back in one way or another, that which we receive.
Finally I like to point out yet another twist of our mind that is sometimes hiding in the trenches. It is the one that stipulates that we cannot give unless we are able to receive. In a given situation whereby we feel that we are struggling with our receiving, we might then put aside our giving in the perception that our efforts to give will only be halfhearted, not so valuable and not good enough anyway. Another stretch of this unconscious ‘logic’ is that we then continue to say to ourselves “Oh well, since I am not able to receive all this, there is no real point for me in giving some of mine. Because If I do, then I am going to get something back and I already know right now I cannot really receive in the proper way. What am I going to do then? Help! How can I get out of this?”
Give.
Receive.
Give and receive. Receive and give. Perfect together and perfect on their own.
Give without needing to receive and receive without needing to give.
Receive no matter what you are giving.
Give no matter what you are receiving.
Receive no matter when or how you are giving.
Give no matter when or how you are receiving.
Give or receive without fear.
Give or receive and relax in the field of knowingness.
Give or receive without judgments.
Give or receive without obligations.
GIve or receive without expectation
Give or receive and allow those splashes of color to dance on your canvass.
Receive and enjoy. Simply.
Give and enjoy. Simply.
Natheya
www.languageoflighthealing.com
receive without needing to reciprocate,
and you will be singing and dancing
in the field of creation.
Both actions of giving and receiving are commonly linked like the law of communicating vessels. Somehow we correlate them, pairing them up and accepting that the one does not go without the other. Two peas in a pod. Yin and Yang. Well, at least in the sense of energies. I give and I receive. I receive and I give back. They become like automatic responses, engrained within our psyche and subtly underlying our mode of actions and reactions. In addition, we have come to integrate to a certain degree that it is imperative for us to give if we desire to receive in life. We are all familiar with the saying that as you give, you shall also receive. Somewhere along the line, we have interpreted this to imply that giving comes first and that it is a pre-condition for receiving. In this framework, the fundamental that ‘It‘s all yours already, all ready’ can be a bit of a stretch indeed. It’s all yours already, whether you give or not, whether you receive or not. The manifestation of the generosity of creation is neither prohibited by the fact whether you have given a little, a lot or not at all. Your belief however, that you have to give first in order to receive – in combination with your judgment or evaluation that you have not given enough yet to ‘deserve’ all your blessings – can bring up walls around your allowing.
But both are perfect and complete by themselves and in themselves. Each energy can be expressed in freedom, independent from the other. In this way, even as you give and receive at the same time, there is no conditional dependency. You can give without the need to receive and you can receive without the need to give. Each action can be expressed on its own, without ifs and buts. It is a simple matter of making a broad single brushstroke on the canvas and saying “This is my demonstration of my willingness to receive”. And then adding another equally bold brushstroke which proclaims “I hereby declare my state of giving”. Both colorful strokes are beautiful as they are and speaking for themselves, complete in their own expression and existing in harmony next to each other. They are both proclamations about being ready, without boundaries and without walls, to give and to receive.
Let us look more closely at these independent energies. How about giving without receiving? Even more extraordinary, how about receiving without giving?
Regarding the giving without receiving, your first reaction might be “Oh, but I know how to do that. It is perfectly ok for me to do something for others without them having to redo the favor. I am able to give and meanwhile not expecting something in return.” How does it feel though if the person you are giving to does not even extend you their gratitude? Or worse, he or she rejects your goodness, affection or help altogether or is incapable of receiving it. It is often very challenging to give without any conditions, without needing any feedback or appreciation. It is also not so easy to remain neutral and without judgment in case someone is not able or willing to receive what you offer.
The biggest challenges in this respect revolve around the giving of love, friendship or support. It is especially hard when someone denies the emotions and feelings that are coming straight from our heart. We tend to find it very difficult when our goodness, our love is being rejected or refused. It then often becomes so very personal.
Love can be scary and therefore at times difficult to give and receive, but more so it is the fear of loosing love that can be paralyzing. I am asking you to contemplate whether you would be able to love someone – and I am not just talking about romantic love here but also friendship and so on – that is unable or unwilling to receive your love? Or putting it differently, how long would you sustain giving your love or friendship without becoming upset about not receiving a reaction and without starting to feel personally rejected? Being in a situation where our giving is not reciprocated or welcomed, our perception of the nature of love and how we are being and acting in that state of love is potentially called into question. It challenges the way we love and the way we can love. If we allow it and if we have the willingness and the openness to know and understand more deeply, it will draw our attention to the true nature of loving without judgment and without conditions.
Part of the joy we get from extending our support, friendship or love, besides the intrinsic delight of giving in itself, comes from the awareness that such giving is well received. We see that our love or our friendship is being welcomed and being responded to. We notice that we can assist the other to make a positive shift in thinking or behavior. We observe that through our words and our presence the other can come to a different awareness which helps him or her to deal with their reality or to start a healing process. And it makes us feel good. We are happy to be able to help and to love and we are delighted when the other is saying yes to it all.
However, people also express a "no" from time to time. They do not want your gift, or at least not in that moment and that is their choice. There are many possible reasons for that but those do not have to be as complex as we like to think. It is not uncommon for people we love or care about to be unable to receive our love, friendship, help and so on, or even refuse it because they are hurting inside. On the same token, a myriad of emotions and beliefs about themselves or the world at that moment can block them from receiving all that we are offering. Again, It is a possibility, not a given. What if someone simply does not love us? Or does not want to be friends or not anymore? Who are we to evaluate these choices and their right for relevance? When we are in allowance and we embrace others as they are, without judgment and without needing to know all the specifics, then in fact we don’t even have to break our head and our heart over the questions why others do not, will not or cannot accept our love, affection and help. We can drop our passionate inner queries and continuous wondering. Instead we can allow for knowing to come to us, gently and all revealing and bringing us all the answers and understanding about those that surround us. We are not left in no-mans land and separated from knowing. On the contrary, as you might remember, we are the road on which knowing and truth travel and reveal themselves.
In the liberating action of giving without any expectations or judgments about receiving anything in return, there is joy no matter what and irrespective of the reactions we get. We give because we choose to and it is a choice from the heart in complete freedom without any attachments to it. In this context, we also have the powerful option to give in a non-demonstrative way. What I mean is that giving can be from within without being expressed outwardly. An example of that is to leave another the time and space to heal themselves at times and staying away out of love, instead of going out of your way to be ‘there’ as a friend.
(Julia) "When we love someone we are so focused on sharing and giving, it is almost as if we need to give, a kind of compulsion. We are so happy and full that we don’t even think about the capacity of the other to deal with all of that. Often, people have become so hurt in their life that they need time and nurturing to gradually accept more and more of love.”
The process of giving to someone who has a hard time receiving can require a lot of our understanding and compassion. Our giving can be overwhelming. Because the link between giving and receiving is so established and conditioned, people may feel they are forced into a position of having to reciprocate and often feeling incapable to do so. Amongst all that we can and have to offer to others, it is love that has the most impact. Sharing and expressing authentic and deep love is a very powerful act. It will leave no one unperturbed. But it can be can be especially disturbing for the one on the receiving end when he or she has a low self esteem, is afraid of love and feels unworthy of your love. The more you are open and demonstrative, the more the other might shy away. Love can be scary. It is through the very love itself as well as our allowing, through our heart and knowing, that we can be sensitive and understanding in our giving.
When we give love, it is perhaps difficult to be received by the other. But it is equally difficult for us to release our own need about it. We so much want and desire the other to love us back. We give love and hope we can receive it in return. If we stay open, with free energies and we truly allow, then there is a complete release of any needing or willing. No boundaries and no walls. And also no more waiting.
(Julia) “I have done a lot of giving in my life but also a lot of waiting. I give and give and give and then I am waiting for that reaction, that phone call, that gesture that confirms to me that they return the feeling, or appreciate it, or that I helped or could make a difference. So much of my time has been spent waiting and anticipating, sometimes with a lot of anxiety and insecurity. So many what if questions. I now understand so much more. It is so freeing to being able to give and to step into that powerful energy while letting go of any pictures or expectations and separating it completely from receiving.”
Let us now turn to the other side of the balance where we find the act of receiving without giving. Here is a challenge of yet another kind. What is the first reaction we have when we receive something? It is to give back.
(Michael) “I mentioned previously me being in love with this wonderful person and how she had difficulty with accepting my love for her. As she overcame part of her anxiety, she was able to share some of her feelings towards me. The moment I received her loving words though, I immediately saw it as the opportunity to ‘return the favor’. I was so elated to finally be able to tell her openly about my love and responding to her that the next thing I knew I overdid it and the doors shut again. I had simply overwhelmed her. I realize now that I was not being sensitive to the dynamics and merely focusing on my need to express my love. I was unable to receive with no strings attached, without needing to give back. ”
You can receive without giving and doing so is very powerful in its essence. Receiving is a magnificent and graceful energy all on its own. It is an energy that is complete. It is in its completeness and without anything else attached to it that it is expressing its intrinsic power. It is in this freedom that receiving becomes magnified and is flowing in full harmony within the field of creation. It is you opening your arms as wide as the universe, allowing all that you are and just receiving, receiving, receiving. When we are able to receive just by itself, we are also no longer caught by the potential perception that we cannot or should not receive because we feel we have nothing to give in return. In this case our judgments about ourselves, who we are and what we have to offer – tangible or not – prohibit us to open our energies to welcome in the love, support, or assistance that are being presented to us and we end up saying “Thanks, but no thanks.”
(Eva) “Another consideration is that we feel that whatever we have to give in return just pales in comparison to what we receive. We weigh and evaluate and compare and decide that whatever we can offer is less or less worthy or not good enough”
The result is that we refuse or reject to receive. This has a lot to do with our beliefs about our worthiness and our capabilities but at the basis of it is the conditional mindset that we are to give back in one way or another, that which we receive.
Finally I like to point out yet another twist of our mind that is sometimes hiding in the trenches. It is the one that stipulates that we cannot give unless we are able to receive. In a given situation whereby we feel that we are struggling with our receiving, we might then put aside our giving in the perception that our efforts to give will only be halfhearted, not so valuable and not good enough anyway. Another stretch of this unconscious ‘logic’ is that we then continue to say to ourselves “Oh well, since I am not able to receive all this, there is no real point for me in giving some of mine. Because If I do, then I am going to get something back and I already know right now I cannot really receive in the proper way. What am I going to do then? Help! How can I get out of this?”
Give.
Receive.
Give and receive. Receive and give. Perfect together and perfect on their own.
Give without needing to receive and receive without needing to give.
Receive no matter what you are giving.
Give no matter what you are receiving.
Receive no matter when or how you are giving.
Give no matter when or how you are receiving.
Give or receive without fear.
Give or receive and relax in the field of knowingness.
Give or receive without judgments.
Give or receive without obligations.
GIve or receive without expectation
Give or receive and allow those splashes of color to dance on your canvass.
Receive and enjoy. Simply.
Give and enjoy. Simply.
Natheya
www.languageoflighthealing.com
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